winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
