Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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