just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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