I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
