She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
