i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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