I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
