the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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