I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize