handjob tips. give me some.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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