I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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