Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
