I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
