that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
