So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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