Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
