It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
