He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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