there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
