I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
