just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
