apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
