Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
