I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
