i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
