I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
