i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so much tequila, so little girl.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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