I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
