dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i think i just naturally attract stoners
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
