you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
