Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
