just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
