Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
