So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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