Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
