She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
