so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
