yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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