I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
