Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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