Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
