I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
