my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
