I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
