Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
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He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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