i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
