Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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