i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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