so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The best revenge is premature balding
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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