Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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