If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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