I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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