just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
