I am spending my child support on dildos
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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