So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
don't judge my taste in strippers
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
