listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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