1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
