On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
