the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
