you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
