are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
