i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize