Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
