Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
