I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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