I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
