Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
