idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
