just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize