I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
