Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
