My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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