worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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