I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
