He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize