I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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