Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
